Today I was catching up on some podcasts from last week that I had not gotten a chance to listen to. I listen to two on a regular basis, as I have probably mentioned before, but one of them is Cornerstone Simi church in Simi Valley, CA. I can’t quite remember how I first heard there pastor Francis Chan, but he has been quite challenging to my life and how I live. Two Sundays ago he did not do the typical Fathers day message one would expect. As he explains in the video below he felt God urging him to speak on the subject of Holiness. God hit me pretty hard this morning as I was listening in the car to this message. I don’t think its quite sunk in. I am a whore. The reason I say this is because so often I go to church to ‘worship’. So often its empty because I just go out and do things, say things, etc through out the week that are a horrendous reflection of who Christ is.

People don’t like when the church is called a whore, a prostitute, adulterer. Those who read and listen may be offended. I remember a few years back a Derek Webb song was controversial because he made a similar statement as Francis has here.

I encourage you to either watch this video, or listen to the audio. I know I’ve got to take a good look at my life. I am not sure what else to write..but other than watch it. Allow it to permeate. I am not expecting perfection, not from me or anyone else. I don’t think this is a process of strict, legalism type of a system to ‘be better’. Its just actively pursuing Christ with all that we are and can be.

Or the Audio here or find out more about Cornerstone Simi.

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

I think this is a really one…for a few days anyway. I’ve had a bit on my mind since yesterday morning and I’m processing it yet.  In some aspects I’m not sure how to or what to do with it.  Maybe if just needs to go into my private journal for safe keeping.  But with that said, I believe I am going to at least take a break from blogging any of the Confession stuff at this point until at least Monday.  Life is a bit Chaotic and was hoping I could at least finish out to the 20th of June giving me 20 Confessions of sort.  But I will try to still reach that goal by the end of the month, but it’s simply not going to happen in the first 20 days as I hoped.

I hope to fill you in on some of the life happenings as of late, and as I make a major transition in my life.  I’ve had some additional thoughts, continues fears and insecurities.  But I am pretty sure that God is leading me to do this and make this step in life.

The short of it is, I’ve become dissatisfied, depressed, directionless, and just out right visionless in life.  I’m not sure how to change it were I am at.  I’m not sure that anyone here can come beside me and help me through this time where I am currently at either.  It’s time to move on, to step out and take that risk.

It’s not about me, what I accomplish or what I do.  But its about who I am, as Christ’s adopted child.  How I glorify God in all that I do, and achieve.  Its not about God blessing me, or living my best life now.  Its about God rocking my world, flipping it upside down and to think about, share, love, serve others.  Not myself.

This is more than I wanted to write tonight. I’m going to bed.

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

Not much that needs to be said about this.

(HT: Cory Mann)

Tags: music, transparent

If you are reading this…hopefully its before 7 AM EST.  But I just wanted to throw a quick prayer request out there for my two friends Danny and Cassie in Chattanooga, TN.  At 7 AM EST, Cassie will be going into surgery to have a c-section performed. Their son, Cade, will be born as there are some concerning issues that would cause problems having birth the natural way. So if you are up…pray for Danny and Cassie.  Pray for the doctors, and for a healthy birth of their son.  It will be a long day for all involved.  Thanks much.

***Update***

Not sure of all the details, but it looks like the little guy came early.  3:21 AM @ 7lbs 1/2oz and 19.5 inches.  Congrats Danny and Cassie!

Tags: prayer, request

Marriage.  This one scares me.  Not sure why.  I’m afraid of failure I suppose.  I’m afraid of not being suited for a particular moment or time when someone or a family depends on me.  I’m afraid of being someone I don’t want to be, and don’t know how to change that.  Sometimes I lay awake in bed and think about all this stuff, the responsibility, the commitment, the giving everything over, etc.  And it scares me.  

I’ve read a bit about the ideasl of marriage and how things are supposed to go and how to deal with situations and stuff like that.  But I think when and if the rubber hits the road, I’m not sure I’ll have it all together.  My guess is, I’m not in the boat alone.  Maybe I haven’t been paying attention, but I don’t hear much talk about this among us guys.  Maybe its something were just suppose to suck up and deal with it.  Perhaps I’m the exception to the rule?

While I struggle with praying about this, I do desire a help mate that is gracious enough to deal with my faults, my weakness’s, and struggles and that I would be just as gracious, loving and encouraging to Her.  I don’t expect a perfect marriage, but it is something I want to strive towards.  Only thing I know is that God is it, He is what it’s all about.  Its not about me, or my wife to be.  It’s Him.  My desire is that we grow together in becoming who we are individually in Him, and as one. 

Those are some random thoughts I have.

Tags: authenticity, Confession, transparent

This is usually something that I don’t touch with a ten-foot-pole.  I neither care to much about it either.  But last evening I watched Jesus Camp, the movie. It got me to start thinking about all this, and the agendas we Christians have in trying to ‘influence’ the world.  I may really not know what I am talking about, and just outputting some thoughts since watching this film, but wanted to share these thoughts with who ever happens to read this.  

I’m aware that there is a political agenda’s of evangelical’s and Christian’s.  You have a wide spectrum of ministries out there that cover everything and anything political to  keep yourself informed.  My concern is that we as Christian’s are using political influence to ‘change’ our country.  We push people into power or vote someone in who ‘fit’s’ into what we want or like, and think that they are going to make a major change, that this is God’s will for our country, that this particular leader has been put into place, etc.  I’m not saying its wrong to have Christian’s in politics.  But my thought is this.  Why do we hinge everything on one or a few men and women who we think can ‘change’ this country and somehow herding more into the political arena will make a difference.  First, it simply will never work.  Second, I think christians, including myself, are lazy.  

I’m pretty sure Jesus never told us to go into all the world and run for political office, so we can change the country were in, or do peace protests, or boycott.  We are to go into all the world and preach the gospel. We are to make disciples.  Simple as that.  The reason I say we as american christians are lazy is, we expect a few people (who are sinful too) to make the change. We expect them to meet our demands, and fit inline with use regarding big & small issues.  Most of these issues are just vote getting issues.  We are lazy because we are not changing our neighborhoods, our towns, our counties, our states, our country, our world.   

If you want to make change, show the love of Christ to others, show them why they need a savior. Be proactive in your town, your schools, and community. It doesn’t have to be anything related to christianity or something religious.  Why must we separate ourselves from those who are not believers? People are skeptical.  People want to see what you and I say and do is what you and I actually do and say.  We argue and fight for issues and expect a leader of a country or a few politicians to make change, but we sit around not being proactive in helping others see a way of life, were not willing to go across the street to help another person out.  We ruin our testimony and credibility. 

I am guilty of not being more aware of what is happening in the political realm of this country.  I think its important to be aware of issues and concerns, and things that are happening.  But I have a hard time understanding where we as Christian’s get off demanding such influence in the political realm, when Jesus did not demonstrate that or speak about it much at all.  

Perhaps…I am just not getting it and am wrong.  Please, do clarify.

P.s. Remember to check out my great friend, Danny’s blog - he is doing a confession series as well.

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

This is a cop-out type of confession, I suppose.  I’ve been a bit tired lately and thought I might take a break for a few days.  I’m proud of myself so far for being able to stick with it this long so far.  Today I honestly wasn’t in one of those moods to post anything.  But I figured I better post something.  So I am posting some lyrics from a band called Poor Rich Folk. The song is called, I Am A Man.  These guys are a folk rock in style and I really like them.  They got some good stuff.  This song hits me pretty hard every time I listen to it, and reminds me I am just a man. Because of my sin I nailed Him to a cross. I am a man.

- verse 1 -
How could i fail to understand, You were not a “righteous man”?
You were something different. Something more like I AM.
But i am so unworthy. So undeserving. Im just so dirty.
Still You came down for me.
You walked upon this dirty ground for me.
You wore thorns on Your brow for me.

- chorus -
what am I supposed to say, when i dont understand?
Your way is not my way
You are a God, and i am a man.

- verse 2 -
how could my pride make me forget, im not the One who was sent.
i am someone different. someone more like a man.
but You are, You are so holy, surrounded by glory. Youre just so worthy.
but still, i nail You down for me. i throw You on this dirty ground for me. i push thorns on Your brow for me.

- chorus -

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

I’m trying not to be boastful or prideful, but I enjoy (not even sure that is the correct word) listening to people. What do I mean by listen?  I desire to help people, I like to listen to the things about their life, struggles, victories, challenges, weakeness, etc.  This is who I am.  I desire to have a sincere heart to be able to help people where there at.

But the problem is… a lot of times I don’t feel I have the experience, I feel unqualified, or have the ability to help. I struggle with this. I want to ask pointed questions sometimes, but I don’t out of fear I won’t be able to offer some advice or encouragement.

People have even come to me for advice or whatever and I don’t feel confident in what I tell them, or I just feel speechless and unsure what to tell them.  I struggle with that.  

I’ve spent about 7 years in youth ministry as a adult leader and small group leader.  This was a constant struggle to be able to give wisdom and advice, particularly towards the bible questions, etc.  All I know God’s grace is sufficient and there had been times that I know it’s not me, but the Holy Spirit speaking through me. I hope I’ve encouraged or given good advice, that is my prayer anyway.

Hope that makes sense and doesn’t sound to selfish.  I should have been in bed hours ago, but needed to get this done (but this is set to release later ). 

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

I’m kinda taking a break on this series for the day. I was going to write something else last night, but a tweet came across twitter and I think I’d rather share the link that was in the tweet rather than what I had planned.

I follow Jason Powell’s blog and twitter. Jason Powell is the Information Technology Director at Granger Community Church. Since I have a interest in technology and the way churches use it. I follow his blog to see how Granger is using these tools. Tonight he tweeted a link to this video from Hillside Christian Church in Amarillo, TX, the video comes in via this blog.

Not quite sure the how this worked into the message, but is powerful enough in and of itself. The video is a bit short, but from what I can gather, its people sharing basically a short description of who they were before Christ, and a short description of who you are after written on the front and back of a piece of cardboard. In this time of ‘laying it all out on the table’, I thought this would be great to share with you all. Be warned, your eyes may leak.

Mine would be:

front: slaved to sin, performed to be saved & accepted.
back: adopted, forgiven, justified, changing, grace given!

What would your cardboard testimony be?

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

I compare a lot. In doing so I take a negative look at myself. I think I limit myself in thinking of what I can and can’t do. I do this particularly in the fields of interest that I have. Picture taking, graphic design, etc. I try to prove myself in my abilities to be accepted by my peers, and receive some sort of positive criticism to affirm what I am doing is good. It’s more of a dependency on acceptance and performance.

I don’t like living this way. God has given me gifts and abilities. While its good to be pushed to be better, its unhealthy to compare and think you can never achieve a goal of being as good as others. Its a driving force and is quite depressing at times to be truthful about the matter.

Tags: funny stuff, this is a joke

I’ll be honesty I don’t feel like writing this right now.  I feel like I am running out of steam.  I’m tired.  Its been pretty hot and humid and the heat has just been sucking the energy out of me.  But I am going to give it a shot anyway.

One thing I struggle with almost constantly is feeling lonely.  I guess sometimes I don’t mind it.  It helps me think through things, look at life, circumstances and such. In these moments I get to listen and read a bit that gives great input.  By the weakness to this is that I don’t get to allow things to flow back out and bounce thoughts and idea’s off others (in most circumstances).  But it gets old quite a bit.  I do a good bit on my own actually, go out to eat, hang out at different places, go home and kinda just spend time to myself.

If you know me, or have spent much time around me at all, you know that I am not really a go getter when it comes to starting conversations, or taking the initiative interact with others, etc.  Usually when I am comfortable with that person will I be more open.  Its a security thing.

The other thing is, even when I hang out with people I feel the same way.  There are often times when I am hanging out with groups of people and I often feel like the odd man out.  I can remember times back in high school too where I would just sit in the gym after a concert or school event, in a area full of people and feel completely alone and isolated. I could stand still and time would just past by, no one notice.

I write this not as a pity party or a sympathy note to myself.  I just find this as a pretty big weakness in who I am.  I don’t think my reserve personality will dissipate, in fact I hope it doesn’t, but I know there are area’s that I need and can grow in that would change perspectives, etc.  I guess I’ve become comfortable in allowing myself to slump into this and have become lazy.  God’s grace and the ability to change me through the Holy Spirit is what I need to allow Him to change me and become the person He wants me to be. I think it will be a bit of a struggle.  But I pray God’s grace be sufficient.

I am blessed that my best friend,  Jeremy is a tremendous song writer.  His song’s, even though I’m pretty sure weren’t written from any influence I have had at the time of writing, have spoken volumes to my heart and have encouraged me.  (I just need to get him to record these songs so I can listen to them on a more regular basis. ).

He wrote a song called Alone. Here is the lyrics.

Life is like this seems to tired to be so lonely
skies fall short of finding
skies do you hold the answers?
who holds you together?
when i feel alone, i don’t have to be alone
when i feel afraid, i don’t have to fear anymore…
lonely man, hurting ones, there are arms to hold you
love, to whole you
strength to keep you going
and a home to go when you’re going

Hope that is at least some sort of encouragement for you.

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

I’m Male.
I’m 27 yrs old.
I’m Single.

I struggle with being pure. Enough said…right?

Not Quite. This is, well, a subject that I think perhaps more people struggle with more often than not. I don’t plan on getting into the nitty gritty of my life, but I think its important to share some of my thoughts on this.

This seems to be a daily struggle with me. Guys, being visual creatures, notice things that may not be so obvious to the opposite sex. I think there is a fair discussion on the female side that there are struggles as well. With acceptance, knowing that true beauty goes beyond the surface of the skin, etc. I’m also concerned that there is a lot of us out there who just are not sure how to handle these feelings. My guess is that if you’ve spent any time in church, you’ve probably not heard a whole lot on this topic. I know I personally haven’t. But whether it is said right out or not, I think we get the impression that sexual desires, feelings, emotions are a bad thing. Were told not to have sex, or go “to far” (whatever that means) with our girlfriend or boyfriend, were just told not to do it. But beyond that, where not really told why. So we don’t understand these feelings completely and we look at this, especially when were single(male or female) as more of a curse than a blessing. Mike Erre in “Why Guys Need God” writes:

“…We were sexual before we were sinful. In other words, the sexual part of us - the part that experiences arousal, passion, release - was all part of God’s good creation. That means that although our sin has tainted our sexuality, being sexual is still a good thing.

Much of the church of Jesus has missed this. As a result, people get the impression that sex shouldn’t be discussed within the community of followers of Jesus except to remind us to stay away from it. But the Scriptures don’t start there. In Genesis 1-2, being sexual is part of being human. And being human is good. Therefore, being sexual is good too. Far too many of us look at our sexuality as a curse instead of as the good gift of a gracious God.”

I think what is important is a clear picture of God and the gifts He has given to us. This is something I have been learning and something that Mike shares in his book. Ingratitude allows us to rationalize sexual compromise. If were single we want to be married, if we are married we want to be single, if were married with kids, we want to be just married and have the freedom a couple had before having kids. I think often we have an unhealthy understanding of the design of marriage and how God intended it to be something that we enjoy and draw closer to Him. One way of accomplishing this is through the sexual desires, the wants and needs he’s given us. As a single guy my perceptions and understanding of this gets skewed often. Movies, news, video games, media, etc do a great job of this.

My ultimate hearts desires is to be one that perceives God as a loving and gracious God and has the best in mind for me, regarding marriage, the godly woman He has chosen for me and the ability to glorify Himself in that relationship. That I would not fall for false, empty, self fulfilling desires that just leave me hanging and wanting more, and yet never satisfied. You, and I need to practice restraint, and the ability to setup self checks that prevent us from falling into this trap. Doing so should not feel like constriction but one of freedom for the relationship that God has intended us to experience of sexual desires, to live life, and bring glory to Himself in a marriage relationship.

Mike finishes out this particular section of his book with this…

“Our sexual struggles are often part of other issues - anger, pride, selfishness, loneliness, worry, stress, the need for love and acceptance - so we recognize that we need to grow in wholesomeness as men, not just in the area of sexuality.

Recognizing and living out our identity requires sustained grace from God and a change in the basic direction and aim of life. But hope is the issue. God created us for Eden, and in Christ, He has restored our ability to be naked and unashamed.”

Times can be rough, especially when your single and inundated with sexual imagery from all sources. But God’s grace is sufficient, and He also provides a way of escape. We must choose. I want what God wants.

**A lot more could be said about this topic, I am sure. But I just wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been thinking, and thinking about. **

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

I am occasionally encouraged by my folks to start saving for the future, to have a plan for emergencies, etc. While this is great. I simply have not done anything about it. My current job hasn’t allowed itself to do so. My savings has been pretty minimal. Yet, I remain pretty selfish. I get what I want. A lot of times its something that is fleeting. Something I really could do without. I really don’t need to be more comfortable, but this is how I was taught. Not necessarily from my parents, in fact, I think there’s been little influence from them. But its from the culture around me. I’ve fallen for the consumer trap of marketing that drives me to think I need and want something. I really don’t need it. But I want it just because its so “cool, hip and popular”. Somehow I think its important to have a lot of money saved, so when I don’t have a job, or I’m old..I’ll be safe. I’ll be comfortable. I’ll have security.

Then Francis Chan (yea I know I sound like a broken record with him, but he’s got some great stuff to say) wrote something on his blog a few days that really hit me hard. First, watch this video:

This is what he said:

why is my life more valuable than this baby’s? Someone asked me recently why I don’t save money for emergencies, or retirement. My answer was how can I justify saving for myself “just in case” something happens to me when something IS happening to so many already. 29,000 kids will die today of preventable causes. If I’m to love my neighbor AS myself, why spend so much time worrying about me?

I re watched the video and found myself fighting back the tears. Gosh, I don’t deserve most of the stuff I have. Heck, I don’t need half of the stuff I have. I don’t need the latest music CD, book, or gadget. I don’t need it! Plain and simple.

Since finishing up Crazy Love, I’ve been really challenging myself on ways I can help people. Honestly I’m struggling myself. But that is no excuse. Over this past week I have had two opportunities to give and help people. I don’t say this to be boastful about it, but it reminds me, how can I be more proactive in helping my neighbor rather than helping my self be the creature of comfort I’ve been trained to be, and want to be? I can’t take what I save. Holding dear to this comfort weakens our faith in God and his ability to provide. Does he not know the hairs on your head? the grains of sand on the shore? And yet we want it our way, we want our security blanket and our comfort. I’m not so sure He’s called us to live this way…

Luke 12:22-26

“And He said to His disciples, “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about yourlife, as towhat you will eat; nor for your body, as towhat you will put on.”

“For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.”

“Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!”

“And which of you by worrying can add a singlehour to his life’s span?”

“If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?”

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent