Life is super busy for me (one of the reasons I haven’t posted much new stuff here).  I work a full time job, going to school full time, two side projects I am working on and try to maintain some sort of social life. Plus managing the regular routines of life such as, laundry, exercise, eating healthy, and most importantly spending time with the Father.   God has provided incredible friendships and relationships with some amazing people, investing the time with them, takes time.  Time well worth spent. So, I need to add one more thing to my schedule right? Well, actually, yes. God has really been challenging to take a STOP.  A STOP?  Yes.  Why should I stop everything when I have so much to do? Why did God rest on the seventh day? Why should I rest at all?  God, I believe, did this as a model of how we should live our lives.  God intended us to do this.

We get this crazy idea that the Sabbath is church time, and the day you watch football, but Mark 2:27 says differently, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”  Hebrew 4:10-11 makes an interesting statement about the Sabbath also, “For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience.”

It is critical for a follower of Christ to enter such rest.  I think the result of falling is to dangerous.  People overwork themselves, miss opportunities to spend time with family, focus on gaining wealth, and push out other important priorities in life.  We literally work ourselves to death.  This probably explains medicated people dealing with depression, anxiety, stress and other personal issues. God never intended this for us.  How is this living in a way that is making the most of what God has given us?

I am positive that I could go in depth into studies of why to take a Sabbath, but I will let that up to you, the reader to explore.  I write this, because I have been really challenged lately to seek a STOP time.  I’ve been able to experience this for a few hours over the past three weeks or so.  Some times I go hiking, others I’ve simply taken a nap.  It is my desire to enter this time silently, shutting off things that distract me such as cell phones, music, computers and escape.  I want to listen to God, I want to enjoy his presence, and take a mini-holiday in Him. I’ve walked back into life feeling refreshed, renewed and focused on the tasks ahead.  There is nothing magical about this, its just something God has lead me into, and I desire to be obedient to Him.  This is something God has been teaching me lately. Something I have been challenged with.

My fear is that I make this time an interlude to the insane schedule I have.  I don’t want that, I want it something that defines who I am, shapes me into the the man God wants me to be. To find clarity and life in Christ and where he wants me to serve and seek others.  I don’t have this down yet, and I am sure God will teach me in these times to listen, enjoy and play more intently in and with Him.

Sabbath is not an interlude, but the climax of living. -Heschel

Blessings,

-Chris

-Chris

Edit: Ok.  Make that like 3 months.

Tonight after I got home I was talking with a family member about resolutions that we had made for this new year. I shared with her that I didn’t really make them cause I either never keep them or remember them. Tonight I was reading Psalm 9 before heading to bed. Verse 1 and 2 stuck out to me as a great resolution to live for this year. Here is the verse:

Psalm 9:1-2
I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of Your wonders. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.

That’s all I can simply think of doing. That’s all I should be doing.

waiting room

by shane barnard

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet’s where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time’s from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

What you love determines what you feel shame about.  If you love for men to make much of you, you will feel shame when they don’t.  But if you love for men to make much of Christ, then you will feel shame if he is belittled on your account.

Ouch.  I think this is one of this Iron sharpens Iron moments in my life.  So often I strive to make men & women much of me.  By my accomplishments, by what I know or say, or even how I try to help people, etc. There is so many times that its about me or trying to make it about others.  I get lost in the selfishness of my own desires. And when I don’t get the recognition or praise, I feel shame.  

So often I don’t feel shame when Christ is belittled or mocked.  My value of Christ is so out of whack most times. My love is skewed that I don’t feel shame when men don’t make much of Christ.

I’m not sure how I got to this point, but it often seems like my value in Christ is when things are going my way.  Then will I exalt Him, treasure Him and make most of Him.  I’m so messed up in this thinking.  It shouldn’t matter my circumstances, my relationships, or how I feel from day to day.  I should be making most of Christ ALWAYS!  If I don’t, it is just one aspect of me wasting my life.

I guess I will share something that I have been dealing with for some time now and something I struggle with on a consistent basis.  It is, how do I approach people in a manner that is grace oriented rather than the condemning judge towards them. I do this, judge, more often than I care to admit.

Through this transition to Colorado I have been trying to think of expectations I might have.  Its been hard for me to do this, because I guess my expectations personally have been so low or nonexsistent and more on the negative side that I really had no expectations for myself or the circumstances I was currently in. I’m more passive and just go with the flow.  

A few weeks ago one expectation (I wasn’t quite aware of it at the time) was made evident through a conversation I had with someone and I did not present it in a way that was beneficial or encouraging to them or myself.  

My expectation was not meet, and I wanted to change that.  I wanted to go gun-ho and change things, change circumstances and mostly people.  Even my interaction with these people I was judging and thinking how I could change them.  I was quick to draw conclusions and not approach this with the grace and characteristics of Christ.  I do this way to often.  I’m pretty harsh to be honest.  And instead of trying to change others, I really needed to worry about myself.

Minutes after our time together I realized my foot was pretty far shoved down my throat and I needed to do something about it.  I needed to confess and ask for forgiveness.

Honesty, humbleness and seeking forgiveness is something I find hard to do.  I think its a guy thing (perhaps its cross gender), but I think it’s hard for guys to show this kind of “weakness”.  It goes against everything our culture and churches tell us to be.  We are to be strong.  We are to be impenetrable and unmoving. I beg to differ.  

Pastor Mike Erre writes:

Many of us have been raised to be ashamed of our weakness, dependence, and brokenness.  We were told early and often to “quit being such a baby.” But we cannot be the strong rescuers of others until we see that we ourselves are in need of rescue.  We cannot be strong until we admit that we are not strong.  Until we are broken, our lives will be self-serving, self-reliant, and self-absorbed. *

I’ve been told I need to be strong, that I need to stop being a baby.  The result of this has been self-serving, self-reliant, and self-absorbed, as Mike writes.  Being able to talk things out and seek forgiveness was freeing.  

While I had good intentions and an expectation that was not being filled completely, I believe that God has used this opportunity to shape and mold me in several different ways:

• Realizing that I need to change my though process and method of exceptions of others.  
• That I can not change others, as much as I’d like to. Only God can.
• That were all in a journey.  While I can’t push people where I want them to be, I can be that Iron that sharpens Iron to encourage them in their own growth.
• That what I personally am desiring to be apart of my life, needs to be lived out personally (authenticity, honesty, humbleness, vulnerability) – aka what I’m selling needs to be what I’m smoking.

God is still in the process of molding and shaping me.  He is allowing me to grow up in Him and I am thankful for that. Daily, and almost constantly I need to question myself if I am approaching situations and people that are grace themed or judging themed.  

Were all messed up. I’m not any better than the next guy or gal. I need to show “weakness” when I mess up and demonstrate grace to those I interact with.

I guess I had more to say than I thought.

* from the book (Why Guys need God) – for more on judging listen to this. 

People don’t like when the church is called a whore, a prostitute, adulterer. Those who read and listen may be offended. I remember a few years back a Derek Webb song was controversial because he made a similar statement as Francis has here.

I encourage you to either watch this video, or listen to the audio. I know I’ve got to take a good look at my life. I am not sure what else to write..but other than watch it. Allow it to permeate. I am not expecting perfection, not from me or anyone else. I don’t think this is a process of strict, legalism type of a system to ‘be better’. Its just actively pursuing Christ with all that we are and can be.

Or the Audio here or find out more about Cornerstone Simi.

I hope to fill you in on some of the life happenings as of late, and as I make a major transition in my life.  I’ve had some additional thoughts, continues fears and insecurities.  But I am pretty sure that God is leading me to do this and make this step in life.

The short of it is, I’ve become dissatisfied, depressed, directionless, and just out right visionless in life.  I’m not sure how to change it were I am at.  I’m not sure that anyone here can come beside me and help me through this time where I am currently at either.  It’s time to move on, to step out and take that risk.

It’s not about me, what I accomplish or what I do.  But its about who I am, as Christ’s adopted child.  How I glorify God in all that I do, and achieve.  Its not about God blessing me, or living my best life now.  Its about God rocking my world, flipping it upside down and to think about, share, love, serve others.  Not myself.

This is more than I wanted to write tonight. I’m going to bed.

There isn’t much to this post other than the fact that I have a lot on my heart right now.  Lot’s of personal stuff that I’ve been thinking about today.  I’ve know I’ve been neglecting the fact that I have some stuff I need to deal with, and allowing God to change me.  I’m simply to stubborn to allow Him to make the changes needed.  My heart is cold, I need Him to change me.  I can’t say I am at the point of begging God to do this just yet…but I am becoming in tune to the things He is bringing to my attention.

So here I am one more day of not loving Him the way he asks.
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things that make me feel alright.
So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should,
and on the way down,
I’ve done what I could to try and try to turn this stone to flesh.

Beg – Shane and Shane

 

I’ve read a bit about the ideasl of marriage and how things are supposed to go and how to deal with situations and stuff like that.  But I think when and if the rubber hits the road, I’m not sure I’ll have it all together.  My guess is, I’m not in the boat alone.  Maybe I haven’t been paying attention, but I don’t hear much talk about this among us guys.  Maybe its something were just suppose to suck up and deal with it.  Perhaps I’m the exception to the rule?

While I struggle with praying about this, I do desire a help mate that is gracious enough to deal with my faults, my weakness’s, and struggles and that I would be just as gracious, loving and encouraging to Her.  I don’t expect a perfect marriage, but it is something I want to strive towards.  Only thing I know is that God is it, He is what it’s all about.  Its not about me, or my wife to be.  It’s Him.  My desire is that we grow together in becoming who we are individually in Him, and as one. 

Those are some random thoughts I have.

I’m aware that there is a political agenda’s of evangelical’s and Christian’s.  You have a wide spectrum of ministries out there that cover everything and anything political to  keep yourself informed.  My concern is that we as Christian’s are using political influence to ‘change’ our country.  We push people into power or vote someone in who ‘fit’s’ into what we want or like, and think that they are going to make a major change, that this is God’s will for our country, that this particular leader has been put into place, etc.  I’m not saying its wrong to have Christian’s in politics.  But my thought is this.  Why do we hinge everything on one or a few men and women who we think can ‘change’ this country and somehow herding more into the political arena will make a difference.  First, it simply will never work.  Second, I think christians, including myself, are lazy.  

I’m pretty sure Jesus never told us to go into all the world and run for political office, so we can change the country were in, or do peace protests, or boycott.  We are to go into all the world and preach the gospel. We are to make disciples.  Simple as that.  The reason I say we as american christians are lazy is, we expect a few people (who are sinful too) to make the change. We expect them to meet our demands, and fit inline with use regarding big & small issues.  Most of these issues are just vote getting issues.  We are lazy because we are not changing our neighborhoods, our towns, our counties, our states, our country, our world.   

If you want to make change, show the love of Christ to others, show them why they need a savior. Be proactive in your town, your schools, and community. It doesn’t have to be anything related to christianity or something religious.  Why must we separate ourselves from those who are not believers? People are skeptical.  People want to see what you and I say and do is what you and I actually do and say.  We argue and fight for issues and expect a leader of a country or a few politicians to make change, but we sit around not being proactive in helping others see a way of life, were not willing to go across the street to help another person out.  We ruin our testimony and credibility. 

I am guilty of not being more aware of what is happening in the political realm of this country.  I think its important to be aware of issues and concerns, and things that are happening.  But I have a hard time understanding where we as Christian’s get off demanding such influence in the political realm, when Jesus did not demonstrate that or speak about it much at all.  

Perhaps…I am just not getting it and am wrong.  Please, do clarify.

P.s. Remember to check out my great friend, Danny’s blog – he is doing a confession series as well.

- verse 1 -
How could i fail to understand, You were not a “righteous man”?
You were something different. Something more like I AM.
But i am so unworthy. So undeserving. Im just so dirty.
Still You came down for me.
You walked upon this dirty ground for me.
You wore thorns on Your brow for me.

- chorus -
what am I supposed to say, when i dont understand?
Your way is not my way
You are a God, and i am a man.

- verse 2 -
how could my pride make me forget, im not the One who was sent.
i am someone different. someone more like a man.
but You are, You are so holy, surrounded by glory. Youre just so worthy.
but still, i nail You down for me. i throw You on this dirty ground for me. i push thorns on Your brow for me.

- chorus -

But the problem is… a lot of times I don’t feel I have the experience, I feel unqualified, or have the ability to help. I struggle with this. I want to ask pointed questions sometimes, but I don’t out of fear I won’t be able to offer some advice or encouragement.

People have even come to me for advice or whatever and I don’t feel confident in what I tell them, or I just feel speechless and unsure what to tell them.  I struggle with that.  

I’ve spent about 7 years in youth ministry as a adult leader and small group leader.  This was a constant struggle to be able to give wisdom and advice, particularly towards the bible questions, etc.  All I know God’s grace is sufficient and there had been times that I know it’s not me, but the Holy Spirit speaking through me. I hope I’ve encouraged or given good advice, that is my prayer anyway.

Hope that makes sense and doesn’t sound to selfish.  I should have been in bed hours ago, but needed to get this done (but this is set to release later ). 

I follow Jason Powell’s blog and twitter. Jason Powell is the Information Technology Director at Granger Community Church. Since I have a interest in technology and the way churches use it. I follow his blog to see how Granger is using these tools. Tonight he tweeted a link to this video from Hillside Christian Church in Amarillo, TX, the video comes in via this blog.

Not quite sure the how this worked into the message, but is powerful enough in and of itself. The video is a bit short, but from what I can gather, its people sharing basically a short description of who they were before Christ, and a short description of who you are after written on the front and back of a piece of cardboard. In this time of ‘laying it all out on the table’, I thought this would be great to share with you all. Be warned, your eyes may leak.

Mine would be:

front: slaved to sin, performed to be saved & accepted.
back: adopted, forgiven, justified, changing, grace given!

What would your cardboard testimony be?

I don’t like living this way. God has given me gifts and abilities. While its good to be pushed to be better, its unhealthy to compare and think you can never achieve a goal of being as good as others. Its a driving force and is quite depressing at times to be truthful about the matter.

One thing I struggle with almost constantly is feeling lonely.  I guess sometimes I don’t mind it.  It helps me think through things, look at life, circumstances and such. In these moments I get to listen and read a bit that gives great input.  By the weakness to this is that I don’t get to allow things to flow back out and bounce thoughts and idea’s off others (in most circumstances).  But it gets old quite a bit.  I do a good bit on my own actually, go out to eat, hang out at different places, go home and kinda just spend time to myself.

If you know me, or have spent much time around me at all, you know that I am not really a go getter when it comes to starting conversations, or taking the initiative interact with others, etc.  Usually when I am comfortable with that person will I be more open.  Its a security thing.

The other thing is, even when I hang out with people I feel the same way.  There are often times when I am hanging out with groups of people and I often feel like the odd man out.  I can remember times back in high school too where I would just sit in the gym after a concert or school event, in a area full of people and feel completely alone and isolated. I could stand still and time would just past by, no one notice.

I write this not as a pity party or a sympathy note to myself.  I just find this as a pretty big weakness in who I am.  I don’t think my reserve personality will dissipate, in fact I hope it doesn’t, but I know there are area’s that I need and can grow in that would change perspectives, etc.  I guess I’ve become comfortable in allowing myself to slump into this and have become lazy.  God’s grace and the ability to change me through the Holy Spirit is what I need to allow Him to change me and become the person He wants me to be. I think it will be a bit of a struggle.  But I pray God’s grace be sufficient.

I am blessed that my best friend,  Jeremy is a tremendous song writer.  His song’s, even though I’m pretty sure weren’t written from any influence I have had at the time of writing, have spoken volumes to my heart and have encouraged me.  (I just need to get him to record these songs so I can listen to them on a more regular basis. ).

He wrote a song called Alone. Here is the lyrics.

Life is like this seems to tired to be so lonely
skies fall short of finding
skies do you hold the answers?
who holds you together?
when i feel alone, i don’t have to be alone
when i feel afraid, i don’t have to fear anymore…
lonely man, hurting ones, there are arms to hold you
love, to whole you
strength to keep you going
and a home to go when you’re going

Hope that is at least some sort of encouragement for you.

“…We were sexual before we were sinful. In other words, the sexual part of us – the part that experiences arousal, passion, release – was all part of God’s good creation. That means that although our sin has tainted our sexuality, being sexual is still a good thing.

Much of the church of Jesus has missed this. As a result, people get the impression that sex shouldn’t be discussed within the community of followers of Jesus except to remind us to stay away from it. But the Scriptures don’t start there. In Genesis 1-2, being sexual is part of being human. And being human is good. Therefore, being sexual is good too. Far too many of us look at our sexuality as a curse instead of as the good gift of a gracious God.”

I think what is important is a clear picture of God and the gifts He has given to us. This is something I have been learning and something that Mike shares in his book. Ingratitude allows us to rationalize sexual compromise. If were single we want to be married, if we are married we want to be single, if were married with kids, we want to be just married and have the freedom a couple had before having kids. I think often we have an unhealthy understanding of the design of marriage and how God intended it to be something that we enjoy and draw closer to Him. One way of accomplishing this is through the sexual desires, the wants and needs he’s given us. As a single guy my perceptions and understanding of this gets skewed often. Movies, news, video games, media, etc do a great job of this.

My ultimate hearts desires is to be one that perceives God as a loving and gracious God and has the best in mind for me, regarding marriage, the godly woman He has chosen for me and the ability to glorify Himself in that relationship. That I would not fall for false, empty, self fulfilling desires that just leave me hanging and wanting more, and yet never satisfied. You, and I need to practice restraint, and the ability to setup self checks that prevent us from falling into this trap. Doing so should not feel like constriction but one of freedom for the relationship that God has intended us to experience of sexual desires, to live life, and bring glory to Himself in a marriage relationship.

Mike finishes out this particular section of his book with this…

“Our sexual struggles are often part of other issues – anger, pride, selfishness, loneliness, worry, stress, the need for love and acceptance – so we recognize that we need to grow in wholesomeness as men, not just in the area of sexuality.

Recognizing and living out our identity requires sustained grace from God and a change in the basic direction and aim of life. But hope is the issue. God created us for Eden, and in Christ, He has restored our ability to be naked and unashamed.”

Times can be rough, especially when your single and inundated with sexual imagery from all sources. But God’s grace is sufficient, and He also provides a way of escape. We must choose. I want what God wants.

**A lot more could be said about this topic, I am sure. But I just wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been thinking, and thinking about. **

Then Francis Chan (yea I know I sound like a broken record with him, but he’s got some great stuff to say) wrote something on his blog a few days that really hit me hard. First, watch this video:

This is what he said:

why is my life more valuable than this baby’s? Someone asked me recently why I don’t save money for emergencies, or retirement. My answer was how can I justify saving for myself “just in case” something happens to me when something IS happening to so many already. 29,000 kids will die today of preventable causes. If I’m to love my neighbor AS myself, why spend so much time worrying about me?

I re watched the video and found myself fighting back the tears. Gosh, I don’t deserve most of the stuff I have. Heck, I don’t need half of the stuff I have. I don’t need the latest music CD, book, or gadget. I don’t need it! Plain and simple.

Since finishing up Crazy Love, I’ve been really challenging myself on ways I can help people. Honestly I’m struggling myself. But that is no excuse. Over this past week I have had two opportunities to give and help people. I don’t say this to be boastful about it, but it reminds me, how can I be more proactive in helping my neighbor rather than helping my self be the creature of comfort I’ve been trained to be, and want to be? I can’t take what I save. Holding dear to this comfort weakens our faith in God and his ability to provide. Does he not know the hairs on your head? the grains of sand on the shore? And yet we want it our way, we want our security blanket and our comfort. I’m not so sure He’s called us to live this way…

Luke 12:22-26

“And He said to His disciples, “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about yourlife, as towhat you will eat; nor for your body, as towhat you will put on.”

“For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.”

“Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!”

“And which of you by worrying can add a singlehour to his life’s span?”

“If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?”

First I find it awkward to work this into conversation, sharing the Gospel that is. If you know me, I’m pretty reserved and quiet. I like observing, and coming away with thoughts. There usually negative ones on how I don’t want to be like that particular person or situation. I can’t say I have the gift of gab, and when I do, its a rarity. I have gotten better I think in this ‘weakness’, but I still have room to grow and improve. Often I feel there are times I really don’t have a opportunity to work in sharing the gospel. I guess a lot of times I don’t ask for it either (which probably is the problem). When I have had the opportunity to share, its been awesome and those few times I remember clearly. I also seem to hang out with “people who believe” a lot too. I currently work for a believer owned company (very few employees), I go to church, all my friends go to church, and don’t have much interaction outside of that. Which – totally is my fault – I could do better. But I feel I can improve all around in this area.

Second, I struggle with people who I over hear, or speak to me and are like “Oh I just got to witness to this guy or this girl” or “I witnessed to so and so this morning”, etc. Like there mouth is pouring out only the gospel when they speak to people.

Thats really not me. Its not who I am. I’d rather be the guy in the background, providing the support in to those presenting the gospel. In some sense I feel guilt, shame and laziness when I hear these testimonies. These are probably fair feelings.

Something stuck with me this past Sunday that Pastor Chris, from Mt. View Chapel, was speaking on. He was speaking on God’s grace covering beyond what we can comprehend or understand in His ability to save people (babies that die at birth, mentally retarded people, etc). We think either God is or isn’t capable of saving these people, and we come up with silly idea’s thinking we’ve got it figured out. Later in the message He used an example from the new movie Prince Caspian. There is a character who does not believe Aslan the lion exsists and thinks that he is simply a myth. At the end of the movie Aslan shows up, and one of the children says to this particular character “Do you see him now?”, Wow.

So often I think were driven to make converts. Were driven to make sure people got their ticket, so they can hang with us in Heaven. All we really should be doing is showing Christ. Sharing is all we can do, We plant, God grows and changes hearts. God then gives us the ability to come alongside and disciple these people and help them grow into who they are in Christ (which a lot of times we drop the ball on.)

For me this provides some comfort to my soul knowing that I don’t have to be this super hero, gospel sharing, bible carrying guy, I don’t have to live up to this expectation. I think the most effective way is to be who God has made us, each has our own gifts, abilities and talents. You might be the A/V guy, janitor, sunday school teacher, pastor, the lawyer, the school teacher, police officer, etc – each role is equally important in the kingdom of God – this is the church, this is what were supposed to be, and what were supposed to do. I want to be sure that where I am at, and the abilities I’ve been given are SHOWING Christ to the people that I come in contact with, asking and being aware of opportunities that God has given me.

For me personally, I don’t like doing this. Confronting issues in others lives that are blatantly obvious is one that I struggle with. Partly I think cause no one’s really challenged me much on it myself. But I think the church has succumb to the society and the American culture into thinking that we can’t question others actions. I think you see this quite evidently through the news, people around us, etc. And perhaps we shouldn’t – cause generally when we do this, its a pride issue on our part. We do it to make ourselves look better, I think. Or we judge on “made up sins” (for example certain music genre listening habits – somehow that dictates your spiritual condition). Graciousness and love are usually marginal at best if not absent in doing so.

We judge others when we don’t speak up and call sin, sin, we make our sin something that is internal, and afraid to share with others, and were afraid to call others on sin we see in their life. We have these preconceived idea’s that showing weakness is wrong. Showing sin is failure. We’ve become superficial in how we deal with things, with others and dealing with it personally.

In fact, were commanded in Galatians 6 to confront and bear one another’s burdens. When we don’t do this we are judging. Judging is forming a opinion and not doing anything about it to help the individual. I think we’d rather gossip about problems we see, rather than do something about it.

My struggles are this. When you see something in someone’s life that is older than you, how do you gracefully say something? how do you point that out? I also struggle with just calling people out on stuff because I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m also afraid of loosing friendships, or relationships. The issue of someones spiritual well being I think should out weigh the cost of loosing a friend or having them upset at me. I know that seems harsh, but my desire is not only for myself, but others to be in a right relationship with God. I think that is a part of the bearing one another’s burdens. Our problems and struggles should not be our own, they should be those we are with, those around us (church, small groups, etc). The Holy Spirit has been working on me with this one. Its also hard to be this, when community of believers you’ve been in, simply don’t live this out. The question I ask myself is “Will I pursue to call out in love”?

Maybe my assumptions are wrong. I don’t know. This is how I see it.

-Chris

There seems to be a disconnect in the fact that I miss that it’s God’s word written.  It is His self expression.  It’s His way of conveying to us who He is.  This is how we learn who God is, this is how we relate and have fellowship with God.

I think there is some correlation with meditating on God’s word and trusting in the Lord.  There is a relational aspect to the scripture. In Psalms 1 and Jeremiah 17  there is a correlation between the exchange of this meditation and trusting.  We are commanded to meditate on the Law of the Lord.  It’s there to trust in the God of who’s scripture it was.

I don’t know about you, but I struggle with this.  I’m not quite sure how this looks.  Honestly I guess, the relationship was really never demonstrated to me growing up.  It was not really something that ‘clicked’.  Maybe it was just me, cause I tend to not grasp things like this at times.

I struggle with reading the bible on a regular basis, even at all,  a lot of times.  Sadly its not a priority, and I’m kinda scared to make it into one in fear that I will just make it a habit and reduce my relationship to one that is measured by time, and amount.

A lot of times I say ” I’ll pray for you ” or ” I’ll pray about this or that ” – and usually what happens is I end up lying.   I don’t know about you, but I end up not praying at all, this bugs me.  I feel so foolish and such a fake.  Sadly my prayer life goes beyond this with not much praying at all.  Some major life changes are happening for me in the next few months, and well, I really haven’t even sat down once and spent any time praying about it.  Not to any great extent anyway. I’m not sure I quite understand my problem with this other than the primary issue of my post just below this one.  A lot of times I feel I make pray a desperation thing.  “God fix this cause I screwed up.”,  “help with this, cause I really  don’t know what I am doing.”, “Lord I need money cause I bought stuff/went out to eat to much, would you provide?”.  Well you get the idea.  Some of these prayers aren’t always bad, but for me I make them more of a habit, a “quick fix” prayer for my current situation.

I think of a relationship between two people. Say a wife and husband.  In order to know whats going on in each others life, to work our problems, to say you need help, to clearly communicate.  Both need to be in constant communication.

I think this is how my conversations with God should be.  Paul in Philippians says to pray without ceasing.  How many of us can really say that we do that.  What does that look like? I sure am not doing it. What things do we need to “sacrifice” or toss aside that would get us to this point.  This is what I struggle with.  I seriously suck at praying.

I’m quite obsessed with all the wrong things.

I’ve halted my normal reads, that I have yet to finish, to read a book called “Crazy Love :: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God” – by Francis Chan. It’s a really simple read. Its also a hardcore deep cutting book of self evaluation. It has simply ripped me open and shown me how selfish I really am. I am a creature of comforts and I want my nice, happy god to work for me. I want to hold him in clenched fist, and control him and tell him what to do, and how to do it. This isn’t really God. I have simply created something in my mind, that allows me to be my own god.

Chan talks through and teaches scripture that allows oneself to evaluate our status of cold, lukewarm or hot in our love for Christ. To be a lukewarm Christian is a oxymoron. You are all or you are nothing.

I really don’t/didn’t want to look at myself through this lens. The very things I am “fighting” for, I am living in my own life. I don’t want to be a half hearted, doing what I need to get by, thinking what I am doing makes me a good guy in God’s eyes type of Christian. I’m disgusted with myself, that we even think that our relationship with God is driven to perform in this give and take idea. Maybe it isn’t for you, but it is for me this way..if I just read the bible just a little bit more, if I can stay awake a little bit longer so I can pray a little bit longer. If I could just lay one more tract in the bathroom stall, I’ll get my reward for sharing the gospel, and maybe for someone getting saved. If I could just stop swearing, or drinking to much. I got to perform for my boss, my coworkers, my friends, my family, yet, I realize I’m that guy. I live driven to do just that, perform, to just get by, to be loved, and yet remain distracted by life and these duties of the faith. Distracted, perhaps… but consumed is a bit more plausible idea to this situation. I am lukewarm to the core.  Does a relationship based on Grace and Love really work this way?

In the last few chapters Chan talks about giving away all of us, living our best life later, we have a choice to give God our leftovers or run in reckless abandonment towards Christ, forsaking all that this world has to offer.

I’m obsessed with the wrong things, I often get caught up in the trappings and the shiny things of this world.  My life is a poor reflection of my love towards Christ.  I am honestly scared to even pursue this.  I am scared of what is required of my life. How shameful of me, when Christ gave His all, for mine.

A person who is obsessed is characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being.

Am I obsessed?

Well I  suppose this begs the question, who am I?  Well I can’t say that I’m famous, popular, or anything along those lines.  I’m a pretty typical guy I suppose.  I currently reside in the great (humid in the summer, and drab in the winter) state of PA.  I do like it here really, but I do favor spring and fall, even though that seems to be when my allergies act up the most.  I am currently a self taught graphic designer/photographer/IT guy at a local photography studio for a few more weeks (more on that later).  I am a Mac guy and love using computers, I also love music.  I listen to a wide range of stuff from Nickelcreek to Underoath, and enjoy many genre’s, and typically like the unpopular bands of music.   I also enjoy reading.  I also have an unusual interest in church leadership, structure, and operations, even though I am not a pastor.  I guess I also have a bit in regular business and leadership interests as well.  

I guess I just blurted some things out there, randomly, but I hope that through reading this blog you will understand about who I am and what I’m about.  Of course, feel free to ask anything.

But I think the biggest thing is this, my relationship with Jesus Christ.  This is one thing I care about the most, and I tend to not care about much.  Well its not that I don’t care, I tend to be passive about things.  But honestly, this is probably my biggest struggle too.  The grace of God has been and will be enough, and sufficient for me.  What questions, or things do you want to know about me?  Feel free to ask.  I hope as I post more this month, I will maybe answer some of your questions.

I’ll try to share some more thoughts and more specific area’s God has changed me…during this blog series.