Honestly I don’t have much to say.  I hate when I get like this.  I feel like I am just rambling, but on the flip side I feel like I need to write something.  I mean…what’s the point of a blog if you don’t write anything anyway.  

I guess I will share something that I have been dealing with for some time now and something I struggle with on a consistent basis.  It is, how do I approach people in a manner that is grace oriented rather than the condemning judge towards them. I do this, judge, more often than I care to admit.

Through this transition to Colorado I have been trying to think of expectations I might have.  Its been hard for me to do this, because I guess my expectations personally have been so low or nonexsistent and more on the negative side that I really had no expectations for myself or the circumstances I was currently in. I’m more passive and just go with the flow.  

A few weeks ago one expectation (I wasn’t quite aware of it at the time) was made evident through a conversation I had with someone and I did not present it in a way that was beneficial or encouraging to them or myself.  

My expectation was not meet, and I wanted to change that.  I wanted to go gun-ho and change things, change circumstances and mostly people.  Even my interaction with these people I was judging and thinking how I could change them.  I was quick to draw conclusions and not approach this with the grace and characteristics of Christ.  I do this way to often.  I’m pretty harsh to be honest.  And instead of trying to change others, I really needed to worry about myself.

Minutes after our time together I realized my foot was pretty far shoved down my throat and I needed to do something about it.  I needed to confess and ask for forgiveness.

Honesty, humbleness and seeking forgiveness is something I find hard to do.  I think its a guy thing (perhaps its cross gender), but I think it’s hard for guys to show this kind of “weakness”.  It goes against everything our culture and churches tell us to be.  We are to be strong.  We are to be impenetrable and unmoving. I beg to differ.  

Pastor Mike Erre writes:

Many of us have been raised to be ashamed of our weakness, dependence, and brokenness.  We were told early and often to “quit being such a baby.” But we cannot be the strong rescuers of others until we see that we ourselves are in need of rescue.  We cannot be strong until we admit that we are not strong.  Until we are broken, our lives will be self-serving, self-reliant, and self-absorbed. *

I’ve been told I need to be strong, that I need to stop being a baby.  The result of this has been self-serving, self-reliant, and self-absorbed, as Mike writes.  Being able to talk things out and seek forgiveness was freeing.  

While I had good intentions and an expectation that was not being filled completely, I believe that God has used this opportunity to shape and mold me in several different ways:

• Realizing that I need to change my though process and method of exceptions of others.  
• That I can not change others, as much as I’d like to. Only God can.
• That were all in a journey.  While I can’t push people where I want them to be, I can be that Iron that sharpens Iron to encourage them in their own growth.
• That what I personally am desiring to be apart of my life, needs to be lived out personally (authenticity, honesty, humbleness, vulnerability) - aka what I’m selling needs to be what I’m smoking.

God is still in the process of molding and shaping me.  He is allowing me to grow up in Him and I am thankful for that. Daily, and almost constantly I need to question myself if I am approaching situations and people that are grace themed or judging themed.  

Were all messed up. I’m not any better than the next guy or gal. I need to show “weakness” when I mess up and demonstrate grace to those I interact with.

I guess I had more to say than I thought.

* from the book (Why Guys need God) - for more on judging listen to this. 

Tags: authenticity, Grace, Honesty, random thoughts

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