Confession #9: Purity
Posted by Chris on Monday, June 9th, 2008
I’m Male.
I’m 27 yrs old.
I’m Single.
I struggle with being pure. Enough said…right?
Not Quite. This is, well, a subject that I think perhaps more people struggle with more often than not. I don’t plan on getting into the nitty gritty of my life, but I think its important to share some of my thoughts on this.
This seems to be a daily struggle with me. Guys, being visual creatures, notice things that may not be so obvious to the opposite sex. I think there is a fair discussion on the female side that there are struggles as well. With acceptance, knowing that true beauty goes beyond the surface of the skin, etc. I’m also concerned that there is a lot of us out there who just are not sure how to handle these feelings. My guess is that if you’ve spent any time in church, you’ve probably not heard a whole lot on this topic. I know I personally haven’t. But whether it is said right out or not, I think we get the impression that sexual desires, feelings, emotions are a bad thing. Were told not to have sex, or go “to far” (whatever that means) with our girlfriend or boyfriend, were just told not to do it. But beyond that, where not really told why. So we don’t understand these feelings completely and we look at this, especially when were single(male or female) as more of a curse than a blessing. Mike Erre in “Why Guys Need God” writes:
“…We were sexual before we were sinful. In other words, the sexual part of us - the part that experiences arousal, passion, release - was all part of God’s good creation. That means that although our sin has tainted our sexuality, being sexual is still a good thing.
Much of the church of Jesus has missed this. As a result, people get the impression that sex shouldn’t be discussed within the community of followers of Jesus except to remind us to stay away from it. But the Scriptures don’t start there. In Genesis 1-2, being sexual is part of being human. And being human is good. Therefore, being sexual is good too. Far too many of us look at our sexuality as a curse instead of as the good gift of a gracious God.”
I think what is important is a clear picture of God and the gifts He has given to us. This is something I have been learning and something that Mike shares in his book. Ingratitude allows us to rationalize sexual compromise. If were single we want to be married, if we are married we want to be single, if were married with kids, we want to be just married and have the freedom a couple had before having kids. I think often we have an unhealthy understanding of the design of marriage and how God intended it to be something that we enjoy and draw closer to Him. One way of accomplishing this is through the sexual desires, the wants and needs he’s given us. As a single guy my perceptions and understanding of this gets skewed often. Movies, news, video games, media, etc do a great job of this.
My ultimate hearts desires is to be one that perceives God as a loving and gracious God and has the best in mind for me, regarding marriage, the godly woman He has chosen for me and the ability to glorify Himself in that relationship. That I would not fall for false, empty, self fulfilling desires that just leave me hanging and wanting more, and yet never satisfied. You, and I need to practice restraint, and the ability to setup self checks that prevent us from falling into this trap. Doing so should not feel like constriction but one of freedom for the relationship that God has intended us to experience of sexual desires, to live life, and bring glory to Himself in a marriage relationship.
Mike finishes out this particular section of his book with this…
“Our sexual struggles are often part of other issues - anger, pride, selfishness, loneliness, worry, stress, the need for love and acceptance - so we recognize that we need to grow in wholesomeness as men, not just in the area of sexuality.
Recognizing and living out our identity requires sustained grace from God and a change in the basic direction and aim of life. But hope is the issue. God created us for Eden, and in Christ, He has restored our ability to be naked and unashamed.”
Times can be rough, especially when your single and inundated with sexual imagery from all sources. But God’s grace is sufficient, and He also provides a way of escape. We must choose. I want what God wants.
**A lot more could be said about this topic, I am sure. But I just wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been thinking, and thinking about. **
Filed in Confessions, makes ya think, random thoughts |
Wow….they don’t preach on that in other churches? I got in trouble a few years back because some folks said I mentioned it too much!
I have a whole series on the Song of Solomon that I preached…caused something of an uproar among many, but it opened up a lot of discussion. Perhaps it’s time to preach it again?
I actually thought of asking Matt Yorgey if I could present it to the Amplified group, because the older people at church have already heard the series twice…..
I kinda took your question as a “shock” but re read it again tonight and I suspect some sarcasm? I might be totally wrong on that assumption, thanks to the wonderful road block of emotion free text and inflection of the typed word :).
But I think I might have made some broad assumption that might just get me in trouble. I just know I’ve never heard it in my previous church attended. But I think there is truth in the thoughts I typed in this post. I think the signs are clear of a compromising issues and the lack of direction and guidance in this particular area. I think the problem is a two fold in fact. First the issues with the parental instruction. Poor communication, or even understanding, and in some situations poor example. Second is the church communication to the adults to have a healthy and appropriate view of our sexuality and the beauty of what God intended for us to experience in a marriage relationship.
Perhaps we’ve become to depended on the church. For example, youth groups are a band-aid to hand out the do’s and dont’s of life, particularly in relationships until we get married. When there is really no clear picture to why, why should I hold out when my friends at school aren’t, etc. Were just giving them the watercolors and telling them to paint by numbers blind folded and not giving them an accurate picture of what it looks like when its complete. They’ve just got to figure it out on there own.
You probably already know this, and I feel like I am rambling because I am tired. So I will stop for now.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
That would be a great series for the Amplified group.