Comments on: Confession #6: We hide, and were happy we can http://www.someguyandhismac.com/2008/06/06/confession-6-we-hide-and-were-happy-we-can/ My rambling of thoughts. Wed, 07 Jan 2009 02:50:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Chris Eshleman http://www.someguyandhismac.com/2008/06/06/confession-6-we-hide-and-were-happy-we-can/comment-page-1/#comment-224 Chris Eshleman Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:09:55 +0000 http://www.someguyandhismac.com/?p=125#comment-224 Chris, GREAT QUESTIONS here: "When you see something in someone’s life that is older than you, how do you gracefully say something? how do you point that out?" The first thing about any rebuke or confrontation is that it must be done in the context of relationship. I can't rebuke "cold". If I see someone older doing something that is wrong, but I have NO significant relationship with them, I just try to learn from their mistake. But if I have some connection to them, I usually try to bank on the HOPE that older people have broader experience and insight, and that they learn by making their own inferences from suggestions. Older doesn't always mean wiser, but I hedge my bets in favor of that being the case. And the way I handle it is by suggesting that (1) I can understand the reasoning or feeling behind THEIR actions/words [A], but (2) I have found that sometimes action/word X is much more profitable and has accompanying desirable results Y. And (3) maybe I haven't understood all of the circumstances involved that led them to action/words [A], so I might be wrong in my suggestion.... Prov. 16:21 says: "The wise in heart shall be called prudent, and the sweetness of the lips increases learning." Rebuke can be done without the other person even sensing that they were rebuked if we use gentleness. (Of course, you don't always get the credit for giving such instruction -- the other person concludes that they learned it themselves; but that's the goal, right? Not my own glorification. :-) ). And the one who DOESN'T get it? who doesn't learn from such gentle rebuke? Chances are they are the biblical fool, and they wouldn't get it if you nailed it in 72 point font onto their front door with a railroad spike and a sledge hammer! Chris,
GREAT QUESTIONS here: “When you see something in someone’s life that is older than you, how do you gracefully say something? how do you point that out?”

The first thing about any rebuke or confrontation is that it must be done in the context of relationship. I can’t rebuke “cold”. If I see someone older doing something that is wrong, but I have NO significant relationship with them, I just try to learn from their mistake. But if I have some connection to them, I usually try to bank on the HOPE that older people have broader experience and insight, and that they learn by making their own inferences from suggestions. Older doesn’t always mean wiser, but I hedge my bets in favor of that being the case. And the way I handle it is by suggesting that (1) I can understand the reasoning or feeling behind THEIR actions/words [A], but (2) I have found that sometimes action/word X is much more profitable and has accompanying desirable results Y. And (3) maybe I haven’t understood all of the circumstances involved that led them to action/words [A], so I might be wrong in my suggestion….

Prov. 16:21 says: “The wise in heart shall be called prudent, and the sweetness of the lips increases learning.” Rebuke can be done without the other person even sensing that they were rebuked if we use gentleness. (Of course, you don’t always get the credit for giving such instruction — the other person concludes that they learned it themselves; but that’s the goal, right? Not my own glorification. :-) ).

And the one who DOESN’T get it? who doesn’t learn from such gentle rebuke? Chances are they are the biblical fool, and they wouldn’t get it if you nailed it in 72 point font onto their front door with a railroad spike and a sledge hammer!

]]>