This one is going to be short probably.  But this one is a struggle for me.

A lot of times I say ” I’ll pray for you ” or ” I’ll pray about this or that ” - and usually what happens is I end up lying.   I don’t know about you, but I end up not praying at all, this bugs me.  I feel so foolish and such a fake.  Sadly my prayer life goes beyond this with not much praying at all.  Some major life changes are happening for me in the next few months, and well, I really haven’t even sat down once and spent any time praying about it.  Not to any great extent anyway. I’m not sure I quite understand my problem with this other than the primary issue of my post just below this one.  A lot of times I feel I make pray a desperation thing.  “God fix this cause I screwed up.”,  “help with this, cause I really  don’t know what I am doing.”, “Lord I need money cause I bought stuff/went out to eat to much, would you provide?”.  Well you get the idea.  Some of these prayers aren’t always bad, but for me I make them more of a habit, a “quick fix” prayer for my current situation.

I think of a relationship between two people. Say a wife and husband.  In order to know whats going on in each others life, to work our problems, to say you need help, to clearly communicate.  Both need to be in constant communication.

I think this is how my conversations with God should be.  Paul in Philippians says to pray without ceasing.  How many of us can really say that we do that.  What does that look like? I sure am not doing it. What things do we need to “sacrifice” or toss aside that would get us to this point.  This is what I struggle with.  I seriously suck at praying.

Tags: authenticity, Confessions, transparent

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