“Our civilized faith demands caviar and escargot; our barbaric faith accepts that we might have to eat fish eggs and snails. We look to Jesus not to fulfill our shallow longings or to provide for us creature comforts. We look to Him to lead us where He needs us most and where we can accomplish the most good. Barbarians hear a call different from that of civilized Christians. We understand clearly that we follow the God who chose the way of the Cross. If Jesus would not avoid the “place of the skull,” then we should not be surprised where He might lead us. If even we should be certain we will stand at crisis moments where all we can do after asking for relief is declare, “Not my will, but Yours.” In Those moments you may find very few who stand by you to provide comfort and strength, and strangely enough, you may find far too many trying to reason with you that God would never require so much of anyone. Yet even with all the noise pounding inside your head, you will still clearly hear the voice of Christ and His barbarian call if you listen carefully enough.”-The Barbarian Way (Erwin McManus)

So. I’ve been meaning to write about this for the past week. With work and another project I’ve been working on, I just never seemed to be able to write anything down or was in the mindset. I don’t think I am in the mindset now but I am going to try this the best I can without forcing anything. I’m not sure where to start really other than just sharing how I got to this point. I’d say since June of this year I have really been struggling with where I am at in life. In particularly spiritually and my serving God. I think some of these thought brought me to leave the church I had been attending for over 23 years and seek other church’s for a need of growth and connectivity with others. Honestly things haven’t been so great in this area, sadly. I do feel burnt out to an extent and just frustrated with the whole matter that I’ve kind of just been afraid. Besides my time in the Word (Bible) I have been reading a few books that have really challenged me out of the position of where I am and into one of where I want to be. Perhaps if I waited around long enough someone would have stepped up after tirelessly searching. This past summer I had an opportunity to tag along on a family vacation and attend a family reunion which I am grateful for doing so. One of the family members that I meet was my mom’s cousin and her husband. As I got to ride with them and spend a few hours with them here and there I’d gotten to share a little bit about my life and who I am, and what I am up to. Over the course of the next couple months they extended a invitation for me to come out and discuss the possibility of me moving out there to interact with them on a level that would help me in my growth (relationship) with Christ and understanding who I am in Him, to have accountability and push me and comfort me when needed. As per the posts, that was that weekend. I’ve just kind of been challenged head on by what I have been reading to take some calculated risks and realizing that my serving of Christ is more important that being comfy and civilized in the situations, or the church, or with the friends I have now. I’ve honestly have felt something lacking more and more as I look into what this means in my life and trying to hear God’s calling on it. Over this past week I have really been trying to weigh the pro’s and con’s the positives to the negatives, and honestly I see nothing really holding me down or anything that should hinder me from taking this step of faith. Since stepping on the plane to come home I had felt that I absolutely needed a change in my life. I need a different perspective. I need someone or some people that are willing to speak into my life and give guidance and advice to living in such a way that is not civilized in the least bit. I’m sick of it. I want something different, something new. I’d caution myself to not base an immediate decision on probably something that is emotionally driven, but over this past week it has been a ever growing hunger pang in my heart. I don’t think I am glazing this over and thinking everything is going to be wonderful and happy either when I get out there. It’s going to be a long road, a hard road and a much-needed road to be traveled. I’ve been a glutton of laziness and self-comfort. I’ve been motivated and moved by selfish desires. Sadly I am “reaping” some of those consequences now. Finances is probably a issue that we all face and will continue to face till we die, this honestly has been something I have been struggling with over the past year and take full responsibility. I’m not looking for a hand out but I think its important to confess to one another our sin’s.

James 5:16 says: Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

So your probably unclear as to what my decision is, maybe. I feel God’s leading in my life to take this step. This step is honestly out of faith and honestly looking for God to lead my paths. I’m looking for open and closed doors as I journey along this path and seek after God’s heart. I want to do what God wants me to do. Not what myself or someone else wants me to do. Sadly I think it’s going to be a lonely road. Perhaps your reading this and you don’t know who I am or you do. I would just simply ask that you would pray for God to be glorified, that His name be known and that I would simply trust Him. It seems coincidental that since I have gotten back that messages I have listened to, people I have talked to, and just some opportunities to share this opportunity have seem to fall into place. I don’t think it is. I am thrusting out, trusting God and seeking opportunity. In my mind lights are going off saying your setting yourself up for a disappointment and failure. I am looking at this as an opportunity for God to change me even if He closes the door. I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid of what God might do through me, or how He might use me. Or even change me, my attitude, my perception on life, and change my Heart. Lord take this heart of stone and turn it to flesh. I beg for you to move. For you to breakthrough.

I leave you these quotes:

“Part of me wonders if we’ve been sold a bill of goods. Is it just me or does it seem like some people act as if faith is the reduction of risk? They act as if the goal of faith is to eliminate risk so our lives are, in the words of the old hymn, “safe and secure from all alarm.”
Have you read the Bible lately? Faith is risky business.
The goal of faith is not the elimination of risk. In fact, the greatest risk is taking no risks. Isn’t that the principle in the parable of the talents? Jesus commends the two men who take a risk and make a return. But the servant who buries his talent and breaks even is called “wicked.” Why? Because he wasn’t willing to take a calculated risk. Maybe risk taking is at the heart of righteousness. Maybe righteousness has less to do with not doing anything wrong and more to do with doing things right. Righteousness is using our God-given gifts to their God-given potential. And that requires risk. Maybe our view of sanctification is to sanitized. Maybe our view of Christianity is too civilized. Maybe we need to reconsider what made our spiritual ancestors heroic”

- In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day – Mark Batterson

“Complacency is the deadly enemy of spiritual progress. The contented soul is the stagnant soul.” – A.W. Tozer

“Attempt things so impossible that without God they would surely fail.” – unknown

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